"SMS Jokes"

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A Nurse come in Doc’s Room.
Docs : Why is your 1 boob out of your shirt?
Nurse : Oh! These medical students never put the things in place after use.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

It’s funny how 90 people get the swine flu and everyone wears face masks, but over millions get aids and no one wears a condom!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Sign posted in a bathroom:
“We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Consider the following:
Female guitar player shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall:
“Don’t forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Have you ever smelled moth balls?
How did you get their little legs apart?! Hehehe…..

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Pinoy aboard Air France…
Pinoy: Excuse me but is there a comfort room here?
French Stewardess: Oui, Oui! (’yes, yes!’ pronounced in French as ‘wi, wi!’)
Pinoy: No…! U U!!!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Two gays were talking when one of them happened to mention that he had gotten circumcised last week. “Can I see it?” asked the second gay.
So the first gay dropped his pants to show off the procedure.
“Oooh,” squeled the second gay, “You look ten years younger!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Pinoy Humor Shines In Neon Light:
1. Restaurant in Pampanga, “MEKINI ROGERS”
2, Eatery in Nueva Ecija, “VIOLY BEE”
3. Eatery in Cainta, “CAINTA-KY FRIED CHICKEN”
4. Batangas shop offers balut as “STARDUCKS”
5. Kambingan in Tarlac is called “SA GOAT KITA”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Girl: The man I must marry must be bright. He must be musical, can tell jokes, sing, and stay home at night.
Grandma: Honey, if that’s all you want, get a television! Less headache pa.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

May Pinay sa elevator, tapos may pumasok ng Pranses at Kana at nagyayabangan sa perfume.
Pranses: You know what I just bought Chanel yesterday for $250 and it smells so good.
Kana: Oh yeah? Me I bought Tommy Girl for$350.
Si Pinay pinagpawisan nang biglang…
Pranses at Kana: Eeeewwww!!! What’s that smell?!?!!
Pinay: That’s the essence of sweet potatoes (kamote), a dollar a pound.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Man: I want to change my name, your Honor.
Judge: Why? What’s your name?
Man: Constantino Palakantutin, your Honor.
Judge: Bastos pala! What name do you want then?
Man: Constant Fucker.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?
Sister: He thinks he’s a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has he been acting like a chicken?
Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner but we needed the eggs.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Laarni: Erap, paki tanong naman kay Dra. Loi kung ano ang gamot para sa kuto?
Erap: Bakit ano ba ang sakit ng kuto mo?!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

After eating an entire bull, a lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept roaring and roarimg, until a hunter came along and shot him…
The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Kung ang tawag sa muscle sa tiyan ay “abs” ano naman ang sa matataba?
Eh di TABA!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Wanted Ads:

Job offer at Krispy Kreme, $6000 per month. FOR MALES ONLY. Uniform provided, coat, shirt and tie, no need to wear pants. Simple job. Make holes in donuts.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A little boy was looking through the family bible when out fell a leaf that had been pressed between the pages.
“Mom,” he said, “I think I found Adam’s underwear!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Boy: Pakasal na tayo.
Girl: Ayoko! Kasi pagkasal na tayo dapat kong gamitin ang iyo! Di ko kaya… masyadong mahaba, mahihirapan ako! Mangagawit at mangagalay ang kamay ko…
Sobrang habang apelyido mo, “Datingbatungbakal.” Ang hirap isulat!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

“What’s wrong, sonny?” asked an old timer, coming over to the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out. “I’m crying ’cause I can’t do what the big boys do!” So the old man sat down and wept too.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

“NORMAL” is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car you are still paying for, in order to get to the job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it. What a life!!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Bakit ang tao pag nakahubad, ang tawag NAKED,
pero ang manok, pagnakahubad, ang tawag DRESSED?

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Namb0so si Satanas habang naliligo ang 1 sexing chick.
Biglang sigaw ng dalaga, “Ay Dem0ny0, hayop!”
Sabay takbo si satanas at sabing, “shit, nakilala ak0!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Nanood ng horror movie si Inday at ang kanyang among lalaki…
Sir: Grabe ang horror movie napanood natin, no?! Nagsisigawan ang mga tao sa takot. Ikaw, saang parte ka napasigaw?
Inday: Doon sa parte na pinagapang ninyo ang kamay n’yo sa hita ko!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Roland told his blonde friend Candice, “You know what, I spent 4 years in college taking medicine.” Candice asked, “Well, did you finally get cured?”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Gf:”gaan0 m0 q kamahal?”
(bf knuha ang kmy n gf at pnas0k s loob ng brief)
bf:”ikaw lang ang dhlan s bwat pgtigas nit0..”
h0w swit?!kkakilig nman..

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