"SMS Jokes"

“wag mag-alala sa
GF/BF mo na hindi
nagtetext..
natural lang yan..
-sa nagloloko…”

Bakit ang tao pag nakahubad, ang tawag NAKED,
pero ang manok, pagnakahubad, ang tawag DRESSED?

Quote of the Day:
“Kung may balak kang gagawin ngayon…
huwag mo nang ituloy, para may gagawin ka pa bukas!ü

Matamis man ang pakwan,
mas matamis pa rin di hamak ang,
nakilala, minahal, niligawan, hinalikan at niyakap bago…
NagPA-KWAN.

Alcohol solves no problem…
neither does milk, pero buti pa alak, libre pa minsan!
E ang milk? Meron na bang ng-treat ng milk? At nagsabi, “Tara ‘tol! Dede tayo!”

‘You know…
sometimes…
in order to protect someone we love…
we keep secrets…’
- sabi ng mag babaero

English TEACHER of Pacman : Can you use PITCHER in a sentence?
PACMAN: My mom arrived from the province.
TEACHER: Eh asan yung PITCHER?
PACMAN : I went to d airport 2 pitcher.

MRS: Kung may gusto mag-rape sa akin, ipaglalaban mo ba ako?
MR: Aba, oo!
MRS: Pano kung dalawa sila?
MR: Siyempre naman!
MRS: Eh kung apat sila?
MR: Teka, ano ba talaga ang gusto mo, ma-rape o mapatay ako?

A fast beating heart doesn’t always mean love…
A blushing face is not always a sign that you’re in love…
Sometimes…
Kalasingan lang yan!

3 batang mayayaman at mayayabang ang naguusap at nagpapayabangan..
Boy1: nung bday ko niregaluhan ako ng dadi ko ng 2 yate..
Boy2: wala ka! Nung bday ko3 barko ang niregalo sakin. Barko ha. Hndi yate!
Boy3: ang yayabang nyo! Yaya! Nalinis m0 na ba yung dagat na niregalo sa akin ni dadi? Pakitanggal ung 2 yate at 3 barko dun. Maliligo ako…

LOLA: ineng, may manliligaw ka na ba?
APO: marami na po sila lola.
LOLA: may napipisil ka na ba sa kanila?
APO: uten pa lang po nila lola. Ayaw nila ipapisil yung itlog, masakit daw.

ERAP: Give me the best food in this restoran!
WAITER: You mean our specialty, sir?
ERAP: Gunggong! Sabi ko best food hindi SPECIAL TEA! Tanga!

And now from our favorite fairy tales…
Why does Peter Pan Fly?
You’d fly too if you get hit in the peter with a pan.

The man with the most money isn’t always the HAPPIEST person…

His WIFE IS!

Old age is when candlelight dinners are no longer romantic because you can’t read the menu.

Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom.
Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes, and then says, “Dammit, I said UP.”

Mohammad entered his classroom. “What is ur name?” asked the teacher.
“Mohammad,” he answered.
“Here in France, there is no Mohammad. From now on ur name will be Jean-Francois,” said the teacher.
After class, Mohammad returned home. “The day went well Mohammad?” asked his mother.
“My name is not Mohammad. I am in France now & my name is Jean-Francois.”
“Ah, are u ashamed of ur name? Are u trying to disown ur parents??? Your heritage ??? Shame on u!”...And she beat him.
Then she called the father & he too beat him hard.
The next day Mohammad returned to school. When the teacher saw him with allthe bruises she asked : “What happened my little Jean-Francois?”
“Well, Madame, 2 hours after becoming French I was attacked by 2 Arab terrorists.”

A young blonde goes to the doctor for a physical. The doc put his stethoscope up to the girl’s chest and says, “Big breaths…” The girl replies, “Yeth and I’m not even thirteen.”

“Miss, we can’t employ you as a model,” the editor of a men’s magazine said. “It’s too obvious that your blonde hair isn’t natural, since the hair between your legs is black.”

The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the ed’s fingers.

“What the hell did you that for!” he exploded. She smiled sweetly and replied, “Look at your fingers. They’re turning black, right? And they’ve only been banged once.”

A woman in a hospital’s delivery room, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head.

“There was this black guy once,” she said to the ob-gyne. Then she yelled again and out pops a yellow body. “That must be the Jap guy I slept with,” she said. Then one more scream and the baby’s white legs were born, “Ah, that was the husband’s bit” she said.

The doc held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby starts crying. The mother looked at the doc and said, “Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark!”

On the plane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned to his secretary sitting next to him and asked, “What’s a 4-letter word ending in ‘unt’ which means ‘woman’?”

The secretary said, “Did you try ‘aunt’?

The Pope replied, “Mmmmm. Do you have an eraser?”

Laguna Rep. Edgar San Luis has filed a resolution seeking to confer honorary citizenship on Pacman’s coach Freddie Roach. The resolution has the support of PGMA, the country’s honorary president.

Too much scotch, Sexy babes, Extra-marital affairs and Hot and wild sex are man’s worst enemies.
But remember
A man who runs away from his enemies is a coward.

Love is a complicated machinery.
But sometimes all you need to fix it…
is a good SCREW. Awoooh!

A male-to-female transexual was being interviewed on a radio talk show.
The DJ asked the transexual “What sort of pain did you experience during the operation?”
The transexual replied, “Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn’t hurt as much. Then they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn’t hurt either…
What really hurt was when they removed half my brain & doubled the size of my mouth!”