"SMS Jokes"

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Sign in the toilet of a sex change clinic:

Gasoline stations in Manila will start showing porn movies on the screens of gas pumps so that you can see someone getting screwed the same time you are.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Natuklasan na sa RP ang gamot pra sa A-H1N1 SWINE FLU:

"KALACHUCHI"

Ilaga ang ugat at dahon, inumin 3x a day. kung walang epekto, gawing KORONA ang bulaklak!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Patient’s uterus was removed but doctor left scissors inside.
She goes back to the doc and says, "remove scissors right away. My date cut his finger and two friends were circumcised."

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Why is chocolate better than sex?
?
?
?
?
?
Because chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A man threw several congressmen into a pond of crocodiles.
He’s now being sued ay by the SPCA for being cruel to crocodiles!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A guy gave his girl 3 roses.
GAL: Oh Babe, you’re so romantic. But why 3 roses?
GUY: Di pwedeng isa lang kasi 3 for P100 lang available.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

So many options:
poison,
sleeping pills,
hanging,
lying on train tracks,
jumping from a tall building or bridge,
but most people only choose Marriage,
SLOW & SURE!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Sa korte, abogada: itinuro ang kanyang kliyente na lakake na 70 years old na,at akusado sa kasong rape.

Abogada: tingnan nyo ( hinawakan nya ari ng 70 years old). O lutay-lutay na , magawa pa ba nya yung akusasyon mo na ni rape ka?

At saka hinimas himas at pinisil Pisil pa ng abogada ang ari ng matanda, at (Bumulong sa abogada ang 70 years old) at sinabi: huwag mong HIMASIN at PISIL-PISILIN at baka MATALO TAYO. !

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

AMO: Naku! Araw-araw ka na lang nakakabasag! Nung Biyernes, baso! Nung Sabado, pinggan! Bukas kaya ano ang mababasag mo!

JUAN: Don’t wori, mam! Dey op ko po bukas.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Blowjob is the only job in the world that a woman can’t include in her bio-data despite having years of experience and a number of references…

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Mother: What seems to be the problem with you. You have been married 3 years & still no children. I had hopes of being a grandma by now.

Daughter: I just don’t know, Mom! Sam tries all the time, it’s just that I have trouble swallowing!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

SIGN IN A BAR:

“If you are drinking to forget…
please pay in advance.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Girl1: Ayoko na sa BF ko. Ngayon ko lang nalaman ang tunay niyang pagkatao at nandidiri ako.
Girl2: Bakit naman?
Girl1: Isipin mo ba naman na usisain ako kung sino-sino ang mga naging BF ko bago sya?
Girl2: Iyon lang pala eh. Anong masama dun?
Girl1: Anong masama? Eh ba bigla naman akong pinagmumura dahil ako raw pala ang nang-agaw ng mga BF nya!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Guy1: I’m a walking economy.
Guy2: How’s that?
Guy1: My hairline is in recession, my stomach is on inflation, & my organ is in deep depression.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

An elevator is so full, it’s nearly bursting. One passenger feels irritated at the fat lady behind him who keeps pushing him forward. He complains to her, “Would you please stop pushing me?” Fat lady replies, “I’m not pushing you, I’m only breathing.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

May tip ako…
para humaba ang buhay,
kumain palagi ng gulay!
May kilala ako na mahilig sa gulay,
103 years old na, buhay pa!
Kaya lang…
gulay na!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Wife: (complains while ironing husband’s pants.) What will happen to men if there’s no women in this world?
Husband: If there’s no women in this world, we don’t need to wear pants.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Girl went to her friend’s place to tell her horrible experience she’d had with a bloke she brought home.
Friend: Well, what happened when you got there?
Girl: The bastard called me a slut!
Friend: (shocked) And what did you do then?
Girl: I told him to get the fuck out of my bedroom and take his eight mates with him!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Pwede bang tawaging ‘finger food’ ang kwan ng babae?
?
?
?
oo naman, kasi pini-pinger yun tsaka kinakain di ba?

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Ano ang pinakamainit na bahagi ng katawan ng babae?
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¤
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SINGIT!!! Bakit? Kasi sa sobrang init nagkakaroon ng BIYAK!!!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Nanay: Musta na date mo anak, epektib ba payo ko, siling labuyo sa nipples mo para di ka galawin ng bf mo?
Dalaga: Hay naku, nay, palpak! bicolano pa la bf ko, lalong ginanahan!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Do you know why Mom-in-law and daughter-in-law never get along?
Well, Mom spent 5 years training her son how to wear underwear. But wife strips it down in 5 seconds!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Alam mo sa panahong ito bihira na ung may matalik na kaibigan..

..mas madalas ay “katalik na kaibigan.”

hahaha! Pambihirang pagkakaibiganan yan..!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

At a sperm bank…
Men were lined up to donate sperm cells. A woman entered and followed the line.
A man asked, “Lady, do you know where you are?”
The woman replied, “Umumum” pointing at her mouth.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

In a jungle, d lion banned d use of condom by all the animals because the jungle needs to increase its population.
One day, the fox saw the donkey wearing a condom,& reported it to the lion.
When confronted by d lion, d donkey explained, “That’s not a condom. It’s
a snake giving me a blow job!”

» okay mag challenge tayu ng ating mga "BRUTE"!!!!
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