"SMS Jokes"

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A GRO is dancing. Public clapping.
She removes top. More claps.
Removes bra. Louder claps.
Removes panty. Silence.
Moral of the story: You can’t clap with one hand.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Estudyante:Buti pa ang saging, may puso! Pero ikaw,sir…wala! Professor: Aba’y kung ganyanan lang, eh…buti pa ang sisig, may utak! Eh ikaw, wala!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Juan: anu yan? pinya? penge naman!
Pedro: penge? asan ka nung nagtanim ako? nung nagsikap? nung naghirap? asan?
Juan: nasa kulungan, nakapatay ng madamot!
Pedro: ah cge, kuha ka na, may saging pa dun oh.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Sa Las Vegas…
Waiter:May I take ur order Madam?
Aling Dionesia:Soup
Waiter:Chicken asparagus, noodle, fish, soup of the day…?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks at soup pao at soup pas!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Hi! Thank you for your mail order in our sex shop. You asked for the large red vibrator featured on our wall display. Please reselect as that is the fire extinguisher.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Lady: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don’t see any other way to marry your daughter.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

If the financial fallout continues, by the turn of the decade, only two banks will be operating…
BLOOD BANK and SPERM BANK! No liquidity problem there.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Hayden and Katrina wer never lovers…….. May M.U. lang sila! (Malaswang Ugnayan!)

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

When a married man womanizes, his wallet gets smaller and vanishes!
However, when he doesn’t womanize, his dick gets smaller and vanishes!
Pumili ka!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Words of Wisdom:
Virginity is like a balloon. One prick and it’s gone.
Sex is like a pack of chips. Once you start, you can’t stop.
Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, it fucks.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Suggested names for d new Lakas-Kampi Merger:

1. PALAKA – PArtido LAkas KAmpi.
2. BAKLA – BAgong Kampi LAkas.
3. SALAPI – SAmahan ng LAkas-kamPI.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A notice at a factory with female workers:

“If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines in operations. If your skirt is short, protect yourself from men at work.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

BF: You really sing well.
GF: Oh no I am just a bathroom singer.
BF: Well, then, why don’t you and I practice singing together!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A Chinese sued wife for divorce.
Judge: What’s the reason?
Chinese: Me no come, she no come, baby come, how come?
Judge: May be side income.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Madre: patawad po, mother superior, buntis po ako…
Madre Superior: ha? cnung ama?
Madre: c monsignor po!
MS: panung nangyari?
Madre: sbi po kc nya, un daw ari nya ang susi ng langit eh!
MS: ang gagong yun, nun bago palang ako dito sbi nya ang ari nya ang trumpeta ng mga angel…

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Teacher: Make a sentence using “Neither” and “Nor.”
Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses, “NEITHER” are they comfortable, “NOR” are we!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

There two things men really want women to do in a hurry…
DRESS
and
UNDRESSED.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Boy: Kagabi hinarana ko shota ko.
Bok: Swit mo.
Boy: Natuwa sya, hinagisan nya ako ng bulaklak mula sa bintana.
Bok: Talaga? Pero bakit may bukol ka sa ulo?
Boy: Kasi hinagis niya pati paso.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A man had “I LOVE YOU” tattooed on his dick. He went home and proudly showed his wife.
She says, “There you go again, trying to put words into my mouth.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

BF: Alam mo minahal kita ng sobra-sobra! Tapos sasaktan mo lang ako.
GF: Haller! Malay ko bang bago kang tuli ng blinowjob kita.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Question: Bakit laging present tense ang “I can think?”
Answer: Kasi, kung “I can thought,” bastos ang dating di ba?

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Kadalasan, ibinabase ng mga girls sa hitsura kung mamahalin ang isang guy. Pero hindi dapat ganun!
Hindi naman sa mukha nakikita yun eh. Kung di sa loob!
Sa loob ng brief! Yun yun eh!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

JUAN: lintik na sabon 2! ayaw bumula!
PEDR0: pno bubula yn? hndi nmn basa ktawan mo, tanga!
JUAN: cympre! 4 dry skin 2! bobo!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko pag nagka-anak kayo ni Jinky uli, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko.
Manny: 0o naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
Dionisia: Hndi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
Manny: Talaga nay? Anu?
Dionisia: DIOMANJI

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Two babies were playing in the crib when suddenly the baby girl cried, "RAPE!"
Baby boy said, "Shut up! You just sat on your pacifier!!!"

» okay mag challenge tayu ng ating mga "BRUTE"!!!!
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