"SMS Jokes"

Nagtatanim si juan, nang mapansin ni pedro na wala namang but0 ang tinatanim,
PEDR0: “juan, tanga ka! Wala ka namang tinatanim ah?”
JUAN: “mas tanga ka! Seedless ito! Seedless!!!

Family planning advisory:

If u want to practice safe sex…
Do it with the same sex.
Hehehe! Safe nga!

If you think Ateneo roads are dangerous, think about its alumni. (Jocjoc Bolante, Mike Arroyo, Celso de los Angeles, Joseph Estrada.. to name a few)

Mommy#1: ano ang ipinapainom mo s baby mo?
Mommy#2: promil para s matatag n pangarap.eh ikaw?
Mommy#1: emperador para s totoong tagumpay..Ü

CENSUS: Mrs, ilan po anak nyo?
BABAE: 13 ho!
CENSUS: dami pla,hindi po b kyo gumagamit ng condom,pills, rhythm o withdrawal?
BABAE: ay hindi, TITI LNG TLGA.

Your futUre
depends
oN your
dreams..
so,
Tul0g lang!
mgtatagumpay ka
rin!

Aano daw theme song ng TWiLiGHT?
e di DISTURBIA.
bakit?
“BAM BAM PIRA BAM BAM PIRARA”

What did Edward Cullen say when the sunlight touched his skin?..
.. only Bella touches my skin. Who touches yours?

PARI: :Mga kapatid, wag gagamit ng celfone habang misa.We must not disturb others in prayer.
Nag-ring cel ni Father.
PARI: Teka lang, may message si Lord.

kagabi nanaginip ako,
kumain ako ng cotton candy..
maraming cotton candy..
sobrang daming
cotton candy..
pag gising ko,
wala na!
wala na!
wala ng laman ang unan ko!??

ERIC: (Singing) Mile away, ur so many mile away fr me..
JEN: Lagyan mo ng “S” para maging tama!
ERIC: Smile away, ur so many smile away from me..

Kagabi, nanaginip ka daw
Umiinom ka ng beer
MARAMING BEER!
Glug! Glug! Glug!
Pag-gising mo
WALA NA!
WALA NA!
Wala nang laman ang arinola!

DR. “Lola, kelan ho kau huling nakipagtalik?”
LOLA: “Mga 1955.”
DR: “Tagal na ho pala no?”
LOLA: “D naman! (Sabay tingin sa relo) 20:55 pa lng naman a!”

Juan: “inay, gusto ko ngay0ng bday ko espesyal ha. Dapat yung message m0 sa akin matot0uch at maiiyak ako.”
Inay: “Juan… Amp0n ka…”

Teacher: “class, draw a fish.”
Class: “yes maam.”
Teacher: “pedro, why is your drawing very dirty?”
Pedro: “relax lang maam, inihaw to.!”

Nagtatalik ang isang lalake at babae nang dumating ang mister ni babae. Tumalon sa bintana si lalake at nagtatakbo ng hubo’t hubad maliban sa nakasuot na condom.

Umaambon nang sandaling yun at sumabay siya sa mga nagdya-jogging. Natural, pinagtinginan siya ng mga kasabayan niya. Isa sa mga joggers ang nagtanong, ‘Lagi ka bang nagdya-jogging nang hubo’t hubad?’ ‘Oo! Love ko ‘to!’ aniya.

Sumundot ng tanong ang isa pa, ‘Lagi ka bang naka condom kapag nagdya-jogging ka nang hubo’t hubad?’ Sagot ng kupal, ‘Hindi naman. Kapag umaambon o umuulan lang.’

Hinabol ng tindera ang kustomer na bumili ng balot. Naiwan kasi yung asin..

TINDERA: Sir! Sir! Lagyan nyo ng asin ang itlog nyo!
KUSTOMER: Sira ulo ka ba, ate? Yung pepe mo na lang ang lagyan mo ng asin at huwag mo nang idamay itlog ko!

ERAP and LOI at a resto…
Loi: Honey, bakit pati buto kinakain mo?
Erap: Ano’ng problema mo, eh Eat All You Can naman ito!

Dr: “Im sori, wala na ko magagawa para tumayo pa si MANOY mo. Palagyan mo na lang ng bolitas.”
Ben: “Pagtapos po dok?”
DR: “Gamitan mo ng magnet para tumayo!”

Sa Hukuman…
FISCAL: “Lola, bakit ninyo binaril sa ari ang nag-rape sa inyo?
LOLA: “Kasi po, nakapasok na sya sa akin tapos biglang hinugot at sabi, ‘April 1 ngayon, APRIL FOOL’S DAY!’

Nagrereklamo si Pedro…
PEDRO: Ako bunso sa sampung magkakapatid. Ako ang nagmamana ng lumang damit nila.
JUAN: O, eh, anong problema mo?
PEDRO’ Puro sila babae!

What is DUE CARE?

Due care is…
someone who makes j0kes…
Ex. Napatawa mo ako ha, DUE CARE ka pala…

Two brothers enlisting in the army at their physicals.Army doc was surprised to see that both of them have incredibly long, oversized dicks, so he asked the two..

DOC: How do you account for this?
OLDER BROD: It’s hereditary, sir.
DOC: I see. Your father’s the reason for these?
OB: No, sir, our mother.
DOC: You idiot, women don’t have dicks!
OB: I know, sir, but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best as she could.

A feminist walks into a bar that has a sign marked, ‘FOR MEN ONLY.’
‘I’m sorry, ma’am,’ says the bartender. ‘We serve men in this place.’
‘That’s OK,’ she says. ‘I’ll take two of them.’

At a costume party with the theme of ‘war’ at a mental hospital…

The first man comes onto stage and says, ‘I’m an atom bomb.’ Applauded, he steps down.
The second comes up and says, ‘I’m a hydrogen bomb.’ Again, there’s applause and he steps down.
And then a naked little man goes on stage and says, ‘I’m dynamite.’
Everyone runs away. When one of them is asked why, he says, ‘Didn’t you see how small his fuse was?‘