"SMS Jokes"

Doubtful Doubts:

If all Nations of the world are in Debt, where did all the money go?
When Dog food s new & improved, who tasted it?
If the “Blackbox” is never damaged after the plane crashed, why isn’t the whole plane made out of that?
Why do people say u’ve been working like a DOG, when Dogs just sit around all day?

NEWTON’S SIXTH LAW OF GRAVITY…

‘The last drop of male urine does not obey the law of gravity unless…..

SHAKEN!’

A man was in a terrible accident, & his “manhood” was torn from his body. His doc assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery. The cost would be $3,500 for small, $6,500 for medium, $14,000 for large.

Man wanted a medium or large but Doc urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. So man called his wife on the phone & explained their options.

After the call, Doc found the man dejected. “Well, what have the two of you decided?”asked the doc. The man answered, “She’d rather remodel the kitchen.”

Men do too get PMS:

Penis Malfunction Syndrome.
Pre-Middle aged Syndrome.
Post Macho Syndrome.

Sign seen at a swimming pool…

‘Welcome to our ool.
Notice there’s no P in it.
Please keep it that way.’

sa buhay
tularan ntin
si BETTY LA FEA..
Api-apihin man,
lait-laitin,
at saktan ng
sukdulan,
hinding
hinding hindi..
Gumagalaw ang
bangs.

Lahat ng SCIENTIST nagagawa ang lahat ng kahanga-hangang bagay…
Pero sa tingin mo? kaya kaya nilang gawin “WIRELESS” ang…

“DEXTROSE?”

A woman goes into a bar with a small Chihuahua dog on a leash. She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls around, leans over, and splat!

He pukes all over the dog. The drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of vomit, and slurs,

‘I don’t remember eating that!’

A man brings a hooker to his room, turn off d lights, climb to bed & have sex.
When finish, he jump up, run to the window, take a deep breath, dive under d bed,come out d other side,
jump back in2 bed & fuck again, the hooker is impressd with the gusto of the 2nd encounter.
When finished, the man jumps up, runs over 2 d window, take a deep breath, dive under the bed, come out the other side, jump back to bed & fuck again.
The Hooker is amaze as this sequence repeated 4 times.
After d 5th encore, she decides to try it herself.
She jump up, go to the window, take a deep breath, dive under the bed…
and finds 4 men!

Ang trabaho ay parang isang mahabang byahe…

ang sarap tulugan…

Question: Difference between Pacman’s favorite car and favorite food?
Answer: Favorite car - Mercedes Beans. Favorite food - Pork and Benz.

At a session with a marriage counselor, the wife snapped at her husband, ‘That’s not true! I do enjoy sex!’
Then, turning to the counselor, she explained, ‘But this animal expects it four or five times a year!’

The young virgin farm boy drives to the big city in search of a prostitute. He finds one, and explains he has never had sex before.

The hooker says, ‘No problem, honey.’

She undresses the boy, then herself, and lies down on the bed. He crawls on top of her. ‘Okay, stick it in honey… all the way in… now pull it out… now put it back in… now pull it out..’

‘For Christ’s sake,’ says the boy, ‘will you make up your fucking mind?’

Confucius says : “Man with tool in woman’s mouth not necessarily a DENTIST!”

ERAP: “BAGSAK KA NA NAMAN! BA’T D MO GYAHIN C CHIZ, LAGNG MY HONOR.”
JINGGOY: “UNFAIR NMAN PARA IKUMPARA NYOKO KE CHIZ DAD, EH, MATALINO TATAY NUN!”

‘Good Old Days:’

-10 cents ang pamasahe.
-kandong libre pa.
-Girl lang ang may hikaw.
-Convict lang ang may tatoo.
-Central Market and Carriedo ang shopingan.
-5 cents lang ang softdrinks.
-Manual typwriter pa ang gamit.
-Black & white ang TV.
IF you remember those, talagang SENIOR ka na..
But if youdon’t, Ay naku! Alzheimer’s na yan! Maghanda ka na ng diaper!

3 very rich men, trying 2 impress each other, when they notice diamond on d floor.

One said,” its not mine, my rings have bigger diamond.”
2ND: “its not mine,my pendants r much bigger.”
3RD: “Oh, it must b mine, I’m missing a shirt botton!”

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave saw a single bat STANDING upright underneath on the floor of the cave. Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask, ‘What the heck are you doing down there?’

And the fellow yells back, ‘YOGA!’

Ito’y parte ng katawan ng babae na mahirap niya makita kung walang salamin.
4 letters lang ito.
Ang unang letter ay ‘P’.
Ito’y napapaligiran ng buhok at minsan kumakati.
Maaari ding ito’y mabasa. Ano ito?
Palagay ko,
mali ang iniisip mo…
dahil…
ito ay…
ang…
PUYO!…

Man goes to optometrist’s office.
He opens the door and says to the receptionist, ‘I think I need my eyes checked.’
She says, ‘You’re kidding. This is the ladies room.’

A boy asked mom how he got into her tummy, she told him that daddy pushed him in. When he asked how daddy pushed, she answered “hard, & over & over & over..”

A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman wanted to stock up. She was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepacked portion of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher who told her he’ll pack some more trays for her.

After a few minutes later, she heard the butcher’s voice booming over the PA system, ‘Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.’

FG: ”Dear, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal, pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin yon? “

PGMA: Mukha kang pera!

During Erap’s presidency, the Russian president went to Manila on a state visit. Driving into Malacanang with Erap, he sees a man peeing against the wall, and says, ‘In Russia, we send people like that to prison camps in Siberia.‘

A year later Erap went to Moscow for a state visit. Driving into the Kremlin, Erap and the Russian president saw a man peeing against the wall. Erap turns to his Russian counterpart, ‘I thought you send people to prison for doing that.’

‘I wish I could, but I can’t,‘ said the Russian, ‘that’s your ambassador.’

Open text to the Abu Sayaf:

Pls help in nation building. Release the Red Cross workers and kidnap our congressmen instead.