"SMS Jokes"

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JOK JOK JOK NI JOSE MARIE ZETA!!

wahahahhaa

Orthodox (PMS) wrote:

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JOK JOK JOK NI JOSE MARIE ZETA!!

wahahahhaa

gyeheheheheh
~

CLEMENCY...





what is CLEMENCY...





CLEMENCY is...





...the one you make lagay-lagay to your pancit. you know, the maasim one. thats CLEMENCY

Women have taken over many jobs that were formerly filled only by men…
but there’s still one opening that only a man can fill.;-)

A virgin male is on honeymoon. He phoned his Mom and asked what to do.
MOM: Put your biggest thing on her hairiest thing.
SON: Okay. I got my nose in her armpit. Now what?

Words of Wisdom:
The wise never marry, and when they marry, they become otherwise.
Love is photogenic, it needs darkness to develop.
When two’s a company three’s the result.

A 90 year old man bought an expired Viagra which melted in his mouth when he popped it. The young wife was ecstatic because for the first time his tongue had an erection.

Effects of Seven Deadly Sins:
§ ang SELOS, nakakawala ng tiwala..
§ ang INGGIT, nakakawala ng pera sa bulsa..
§ ang GALIT, nakakawala ng magandang mukha..
§ ang KASAKIMAN, nakalawala ng kaibigan..
§ ang KATAKAWAN, nakakawala ng seksing katawan..
§ ang KAYABANGAN, nakakawala ng hangin sa kapaligiran..
§ ang KALIBUGAN, nakakawala ng enerhiya sa katawan..

Tatay: (galit) Ano ba ang pinakain sayo ng lalaking yan at ayaw mo siyang iwan?
Anak na babae: Tay, wala po, ako nga po ang kinakain nya eh!

An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions, he asks his guide: “How large is the population here?”
“Around 1.5 billion.” the guide answers.
The American after a short pause asks again: “So, what else do you do here?”

SHE: Do you think of me when you’re away, darling?
HE: Yes, honey. I always BARE you in mind.

A quote on a gal’s T-shirt…
“No use looking…
They won’t get bigger…
Unless you work on them…”

How to get to heaven?

When you do SEX, you get tired, when you get Tired, you go to sleep, when you go to Sleep, you commit no sin, when you commit no Sin, you go to heaven. So always have Sex, and go to Heaven.

Check out the Forbes magazine’s list of the richest people in the world. If your name is not listed there, PLEASE GO BACK TO WORK TODAY.

Recipe for Love Cake:

* spread legs
* squeeze and massage milkpots
* check frequently with mid finger
* add banana
* work in and out till well-creamed
* cake is done when banana is soft

Ten Things that men must know about women:
1. They have a pussy.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. O yeah, they have teats too!

A man bragged to a woman about his pussy-eating frog. Curious she undressed and spread her legs but the frog won’t move. Man said, “Oh! I guess I have to show him again how to do it.”

Pedro: Waiter, order ako special nyo.
Waiter: Ito ‘balls’ ng toro, napatay ng matador.
Pedro: Ang laki, sarap! Eh bakit kahapon, maliit?
Waiter: E, sir, kahapon panalo ang toro.

Snow White was having a bath in front of the 7 dwarves. Which advertisement, do you think, were they shooting for?…

Seven up!

Ang babae parang bola ng basketbol,
kahit hindi sayo kailangan mong agawin…
Maka shoot lang.

Tatay: Isa sa mga bata kumuha ng pera sa wallet ko.
Nanay: Sobra ka, bakit mo pinagbibintangan mga bata? Malay mo ako kumuha!
Tatay: Sigurado ko, di ikaw, may natira eh!

Soda Ad:

Kita mo natutulog syota mo, labas pussy, anong gagawin mo?
Kumutan mo ba?
Sasara mo zipper?
O panuorin lang?
Magpakatotoo ka, Bro?
Dilaan mo na!!! Obey your thirst!

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Hanep ang cell phone mo, pang Maniac!

MRS: Lasing ka na naman, tapos galing ka pa sa kabit mo, hayop ka!
MR: Hik! Hik! Hik! Wag mo kong pagbintangan! Wala kang pruweba! Hik!
MRS: Ganun? At kelan ka pa natutong mag-T-Back?

God finally created a partner for Adam… two-legged beauty, outstanding boobs and a wet pussy. Then He added a mouth. Ruined the whole fucking thing.