"SMS Jokes"

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

MAG-KUMARE NAG-UUSAP:
TEKLA: Sna d ko cnama s kbaong n Kulas ung cp nya nung ilibing cia.
PETRA: Bkit? Sayang b?
T: Hindi. Ngtxt cia, sbi: D2 n me, sunod n u.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Sabi ng Pari:
para sa mga binata na gusto mag asawa agad, magsindi ng GREEN na kandila.
Yung malapit na lumampas sa kalendaryo, PULA na kandila.
Samga Annulled, Divorced at abandon, ITIM na kandila.
Pero yung mga Bading na nangangarap na makapag asawa, magsindi ng KATOL!:-D

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

3 girls talking.
G1: I prefer the man on top since I respect him.
G2: I want to be on top to show who’s boss.
G3: Gusto ko 69 para EQUAL EQUAL.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Pari: ang bato n2, maliit lng, pero e2 magbibigay ilaw sa kadiliman!
Pablo: anong bato yan padre.
Pari: bato ng lighter.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Alam mo ba kung bakit may sabaw ang balot? Kung ikaw kaya ang ikulong sa shell, saan ka ji-jingle? Haah? Saan? Sumagot ka nga! Saan?!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Hard Times are here!
A sign in a Manila restaurant window:
*T-BONE, P50 only!:-P
* W/ meat, P750!;-(

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Pagseloso husband, ibig sabihin mahal ka niya. PagSUGAROL,gusto lang uwian ka ng maraming pera. PagLASENGO, gusto niya gumanda ka sa paningin niya!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Hanep talaga sa Jollibee! Pagpasok pa lang WELCOME TO JOLILIBEE SIR! Paglabas mo naman THANK YOU SIR, COME AGAIN! Masarap na, Komportable pa! Next time dun ulit ako eebs…

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

An indian went to chief: can I change my name, father chief?

Chief: son, when your brother was born, I went out of the tepee, saw a raging bull so I named him ragingbull. When your sister was born, I saw the rising sun, so that’s her name. So what are you complaining…

fucking dog?!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Two gays fooling around in bed when the door bell rings. The first gay tells the second, “Don’t cum ’til I get back,” and he rushes off to answer the door.

After a few minutes, he eagerly returns only to find cum all over the bed. He says to the second gay, “I thought you wasn’t going to cum ’til I came back.” The second gay replies, ” I didn’t cum… I farted!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

The first victim of Swine Flu in RP is Katrina Halili. According to her, “Binaboy ako!” >>> I was swined!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

What do you call the skin between the pussy and the rectum?

P.N.B. - Pansalo Ng Baba!!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Hayden Kho Light Bites:
1. Q: What is 6 feet vertically and 4.5 inches horizontally?
A: An “excited” Hayden Kho in front of the camera.
2. Q: If Hayden were Ping Lacson, how would he make women happy?
A: Sunud-sunud na putok.
3. Q: If Hayden were Sen. Dick, how would he make women happy?
A: By not relying on the tongue.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Mokong: Day, balita ko hiwalay na kayo ng boyfriend mo.
Day: Oo nga, pakirandam ko balak mag Astronaut.
Mokong: Bakit naman?
Day: Kasi sabi nya ‘I NEED SPACE.’

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

CALIGYNEPHOBIA - the fear of beautiful women.
May ganito pala?!
Now i know why other people are afraid of me..

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

“Kung maghihintay ka lang nang makikipag-flirt sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo…
Dapat, mag-flirt ka din.”
Inspiring noh?

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Boy1: tol, panget ba ako?
Boy2: Panget ang nanay mo, panget ang tatay mo, panget ang kapatid mo…
Ano ka? HIMALA?

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A romantic love is not a one-night-stand, nor a series of cumshots, it’s a long-term engagement between two private organs”the hearts…”

….kasama na rin yung iniisip mo!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

MARKETING 101:
… If a man sees a girl and tells her that “I’m rich & I wanna marry you.” That’s DIRECT MARKETING.
… If a man approaches her friends & tells them he’s rich & he’ll marry her, that’s ADVERTISING.
… If he gets her cel & calls her, saying he’s rich & he’ll marry her, that’s TELEMARKETING.
… If she learns that he’s rich, & will marry him, that’s BRAND RECOGNITION.
… Finally, if a man talks to the gorgeous girl & tells her that he’s rich & will marry her & she slaps him, that’s CUSTOMER’S FEEDBACK.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Boy: I realize this is just a formality but I want to ask for your daughter’s hand.
Girl’s Dad: Just where did you get the idea that this is just a formality?
Boy: From her OB-Gyne.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

The average man’s life consists of 20 years having his mom ask him where is he going; 50 years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wonder too.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

In case you didn’t know..
Vaseline is often used for sex. In Norway, the parents put it on..
the doorknobs to keep the kids from opening the door…

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

The minister was haranguing the congregation and carrying on and on about sin. “The wages of sin are high.” he bellowed.
A young man sitting in the back yelled, “Not if you can find someone who’ll do it for free.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

What is the new definition of Multi-Tasking?
Working at your computer typing emails while watching Victoria’s Secret Webcast “for research purposes, of course.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words, ’sex’ and ‘love.’
The woman wrote, ‘When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptable for them to engage in sex.’
And Bob wrote, ‘I love sex.’

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