"SMS Jokes"

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

May-ari: Hoy! Animal ka! Ikaw pala ang nagnanakaw ng niyog namin ha! Baba!
Magnanakaw: Nahuli na kung nahuli! Bakit kelangan pa manggulat?!! Eh kung mahulog ako dito?!! Gago!!!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

“I want to divorce my husband because he has a lousy memory!”
“Why would you want to divorce him for that?”
“Every time he gets around a young woman, he keeps forgetting that he’s married!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A priest wrote on the signboard… “I pray for all.”
The lawyer wrote underneath… “I plead for all.”
The doctor added… “I prescribe for all.”
The citizen wrote… “I pay for all.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Woman: Atty., I can’t bear my husband anymore!
Lawyer: Well, magpa annul ka.

After one week…

Woman: Atty., I’m OK na. My husband has improved. Masarap pala magpa ANAL!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Breaking news!

Hatton bibisita sa Pilipinas!

Mamimili daw ng maraming Alaxan kasi masakit ang katawan!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Why I fired my secretary???

Last week was my birthday & I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant & say, “Happy Birthday!” & possibly a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.”
I thought… well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… they will remember.
My kids came bounding down the stairs to breakfast & didn’t say a word. So I left for the office somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane, said, “Good morning, Boss, & Happy Birthday!” I felt a bit better that at least someone remembered.
I worked until one o’clock, when Jane came in & said, “You know, it’s such a wonderful day outside & it’s your birthday, what do you say we go out for lunch, just you & me.” I said, “Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”
We went to lunch in a quiet bistro with a private table, and I enjoyed it tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, “Let’s drop by my apartment.”
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me & said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “OK,” I nervously said.
She went into the bedroom & after a whìle, she came out carrying a huge cake followed by my wife, my kids, & dozens of friends singing, “Happy Birthday!”

And I sat there…

on the couch…

NAKED!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

“Doctor, I need your help,” said a woman.
“What seems to be the problem?”
“My husband just doesn’t satisfy me sexually. What can I do?”
“Hmmm. Thats a bit out of my league. Has he seen a doctor?”
“Yes. He’s perfectly ok. He is just isn’t enough for me.You’ve got to help me!”
“Er…. Why don’t you take a lover?”
“I have! I still don’t get enough.”
“Take another lover.”
“I did!! In fact I have eight lovers… And I still don’t get enough sex!”
“Gosh, that’s an anomaly.”
“Oh, Doctor! Please tell them its an anomaly. They all keep telling me I’m a whore!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Tag-araw?
problema kc mainit..
Tag-ulan?
Problema kc malamig..
Pero kaya mong lampasan yan.
Ang masaklap pag
TAG-LIBOG.. Problema mo tlaga yan!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A young student wrote home to his family:

Dear mom & dad,

I haven’t heard from you in a month. Please send a check so i’ll know you’re all right.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of imported panties. “After all, dear,” she said to her hubby, “you wouldn’t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?”

“No,” he replied. “Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead skunk.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

The blame: “If you feel that I am falling for someone new, its not because I love the person, its because you weren’t there under the tree to catch my fall.”

The answer: ”When you thought I wasn’t there to catch you, its because you never gave me the chance. You haven’t reached the bottom. Yet you already grabbed a branch.”

- inglesero’t ingleserang unggoy na nagmomoment

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

LAWYER to client: “I’ve got good news & bad news. The court has acquitted you & your wife has left you.”

CLIENT: “THAT’S GREAT! REAL GREAT! SO, WHAT’S THE BAD NEWS ?”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

wEn things türn
0ut bäd & ur
Penis s n0
löngEr Enuf 2
cArry 0n, U
mUst nEvèr givE
up c0z wEn ùr pEniS’
strEngth Ends..
ur tOngüe’s äbiliTy bEgins..Ü

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

ThÉmÉ Söng ng EÄt BülÄgÄ :
“PülÄ Äng Ärì
hÄnggÄng dülö,
SÄÄn kÄ mÄn Äy
kÄntütÄn tÄyö,
IsÄng ìköt,
IsÄng tüwÄd,
Büöng bÄyÄg…
EÄt…mö lÄhÄt!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

MARAHANG tanong sa girl:
Did it slide in smoothly?
Oo naman!
Masakit ba?
A little!
Masikip ba?
Medyo!
Ipasok pa natin konti?
Yes, may space pa!
How is it na?
Just right!
Feeling?
Wonderful!…
Sige babayaran mo na sa counter …
SHOES SOLD!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

NENE: manong, kelan kayo mgpapakasal?
IGOROT: sa kabilugan ng buwan.yun ang tradisyon nmin.
NENE: kayo po sir?
SIR: ahh… sabi ni mama…pag bilog na ang tiyan!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Sportscaster: Manny,u ezily KO d hitman hatton n d 2nd round, wats ur teknik?
Manny: I mean.. Wel..Ahhh. ‘ya know ah. I bluff him w/ my right,ah.and den he4got myleft, u see, I HAV 2 HANDS d left & d right, I hold dem up high so clen & bright, den box dem strongly 1,2,3, so clean little hands are gud 2 see! NOW UKNOW…

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Little Girl: Mommy, Mommy! What!’s an orgasm?
Mommy: I don’t know dear, ask your father.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Two kids talking:

RICH KID: “sometimes if you work hard enough, you can get what you want.But most times, what you want and what you get are two different things. Sometimes,God breaks our spirit to save our soul.Sometimes,He breaks our heart to make us whole.Although we can’t have everything we want,we can want everything we have…”

POOR KID: “ang damot mo naman! pahiram lang ng PSP dami mo pa sinasabi!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

“IBON”

-sagot ni Manny Pacquiao nung tinanong sya kung anung brand ng make up ni Jinky.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Teacher: Write a sentence ending with HAND.
Juan: My penis in ur hand!
Teacher slapped juan…
Juan: Sorry I forgot to put space between pen and is…

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Si Pacquiao ang tinaguriang
‘pambansang kamao’
at pag sya’y manalo sa kongreso…
sya ang pinaka numero unong congressman na…
“di kama-o”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

“Silent water runs deep.” Sa tagalog, “tahimik pero mapanganib.” Sa ilonggo, “daw sa waay pero may ginabatyag.” Sa bisaya, “gapahilumhilum lang pero gapautog!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

“Your future
depends on your
dreams…”
So,
tulog lang!
Mgtatagumpay ka rin!
-very inspiring diba!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Trivia:
Ang HONDA ay naimbent0 ni HONachie DAitzu,
Ang FUBU ay naimbent0 ni FUrdie BUtcher,
Ang N0KIA ay naimbent0 ni N0rland KIAnder,
Ang PONDS aTrivia,
Ang HONDA ay naimbent0 ni HONachie DAitzu,
Ang FUBU ay naimbent0 ni FUrdie BUtcher,
Ang N0KIA ay naimbent0 ni N0rland KIAnder,
Ang PONDS ay naimbent0 ni andrew PONDS,
Ang BEER ay naimbnt0 ni BEnjamin ERwin,
Ang galing n0?
Lhat ng it0 ay naimbent0 k0 lng din..Hehe!Ü

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