"SMS Jokes"

PAALALA:

Hangga’t maraming babae at lalaki sa mundo…
huwag mong isipin na nag-iisa ka lang sa buhay ng dyowa mo.

The Court of Appeals has acquitted Daniel Smith of raping ‘Nicole’ In reversing his conviction, the court ruled, ‘What we see was the unfolding of a spontaneous, unplanned romantic episode with both parties carried away by their passions..’

In short, in ‘kanto boys” parlance, ‘Libog lang yan.’

An Indian warrior goes up to the Chief that names all the new babies and asks, “How do you come up with the names?”
The Chief replies, “I look for events that coincide with the birth. If I see an eagle flying overhead, I name the baby ‘Soaring Eagle.’ If I see a deer running in the field, I name the baby, ‘Running Deer.’ Tell me, Two Dogs Fucking, why do you ask?”

wooo copy paste mo lang yan sa FAD e

Naka “JerJer” ka na ba? ako? tap0s na.
ETIMOLOGY: the word ”jerjer” came fr0m the taiwanese w0rd w/c means “take a bath.”
so…wag kalimutan mgjerjer evryday.

8 tips para maiba naman ang araw m0
1.sikmuraan ang unang taong masalub0ng at humingi ng sori.
2.uminom ng pampatulog ngunit labanan ito, mag exercise.
3.Gumising ng maaga at batiin ang nanay ng gudnyt.
4.himatayin kunwari sa daan,tiyaking may tao.
5.tahiin ang pwet at magpatingin sa doktor.
6.kurutin ang nakababatang kapatid pagkatapos unahan m0ng umiyak.
7.makipagtitigan sa isda,wag titigil hanggat hindi ito kumukurap.
8.Magpakulo ng tubig at ilagay sa ref…

PUSO: mahal ko talaga sya.
ISIP: alam ko,sobra pa nga di ba?
PUSO: lam m0 pala, bat pilit mo pa syang kinakalimutan?
ISIP: kasi ayaw na kitang masaktan.
STOMACH: sa sobra m0ng pagmamahal di ka na kumakain, tulala pa.
LIVER: korek, palagi ka pang umiin0m, naaapektuhan na kami ni kidney.
LUNGS: ako din nahihirapan ng huminga..
-mga emoterang lamang Loob!

UN ambassador for the World Food Programme KC Concepcion was shocked and saddened by the hunger situation in Mindanao…….
The experience was a huge reality check for KC who didn’t realize… until her trip to the south, the impact of Mama Sha’s eating binge…

Piolo Pascual will formally train to become a pastor saying he wants to give more time to the Lord.
In the past couple of years, he’s been very devoted to Sam M… This time, kay Lord naman.

Little Johnny is coming home with a loaf of bread and the other hand in his pants pocket.
A priest meets him, and the priest thinks this is a good opportunity to say something from the Bible to Little Johnny. He says, ‘I see you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?’
Johnny replies, ‘A loaf of bread, Father.’

JAMBY: I’ll sue you for obstruction of justice!
PGMA: (ala Lolit Solis) So sue me!
JAMBY: Huwag na nga lang. Hindi kita type eh!

It’s hard to live alone.
It’s harder to choose someone to love…
But the hardest part of loving is to admit that you’ve fallen for someone who can never be yours in the end.
Kasi, naunahan ka ng tibo.

A man walks into a Chinese resto but is told that there will be at least a 20 minute wait.
‘Would you like to wait in the bar, sir?’ the Maitre’d asks.
The man goes to the bar and the bartender asks, ‘What’ll it be?’
The man replies, ‘Give me a STOLI with a twist.’
The bartender pauses for a few seconds then smiles and says, ‘Once upon a time, there were FOUR little peegs…’

A Mormon was seated next to Erap on a flight from London to Helsinki…
After plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
Erap asked for a blue label whiskey, which was promptly served to him.
Stewardess then asked Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust,” I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”
Erap then handed his drink back to stewardess, & said, “Me, too. I didn’t know we had a choice.”

Its final.
2 japanese nationals killed Mrs. Trinidad Etong (wife of Ted Failon)
DOJ crime expert: They have been identified as- KURO KURO & HAKA HAKA!

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking alone. Approaching the friend, he notes, ‘You look terrible? What’s the problem?’
‘My mom died in January,’ he said, ‘and left me 5 million bucks.’
‘Gee, that’s tough!’ he replied.
‘Then in February,‘ the friend continued, ‘my Dad died leaving me 15 million bucks.’
‘Wow! Two parents gone in 2 months. No wonder you’re depressed.’
‘And last month my aunt died, and left me 8 million bucks.’
‘3 close family members lost in 3 months? How sad!’
‘Then this month,‘ continued the friend, ‘nothing!’

‘pssstt…
Easy to get daw ang naka Red..
Manyak ang naka Blue…
Maappeal ang naka White..
Mainit s sex ang naka Black…
Malibog ang naka Green..
2 timer ang naka Stripe.
Mahilig sa 69 ang nakaPink,.
Boring s sex ang naka Orange..
Mahilig sa Romansa ang naka Brown,.
Yellow, Hinahanap hanap ang sex.
Kaw anu suot mo na n shirt now?

If ever someone will hurt you, do you know what to do?
Simply slap her/his face and say, ‘WALA KANG UTANG NA LOOB!’
In English, ‘You have no credit inside!’

Did you hear about the tramp who walked up to a fat rich matron and said, ‘Ma’am, I haven’t eaten in three days.‘

‘Force yourself!’ she replied.

A Chinese father named Cheng was close to his son. They did things together including looking 4 “birds” (Chinese slang for prostitute).

Den Chung, d son, decided 2 go overseas 2 study. D father was supportive, & told him, “Chung, we cannot luk 4 birds 2gether 4 d next few years. However, if u nid 2 luk 4 birds, please go ahead & I will pay 4 it. Please state d expense as ‘Shooting Clay Pigeons’ so dat ur mother will not suspect.”

After a month, father received d bill from Chung: Shooting clay pigeons - $300. Next month d bill 4 shooting clay pigeons was more dan $700. Father cud not tolerate dis, so he wrote 2 his son: “Chung, Son, u’ve bin shooting expensive clay pigeons. Try cheaper ones.” A month later, d father received another bill from his son. On it was written: Shooting Clay Pigeons - $50 Rifle Repair - $2,000

After she said ‘Yes’ to Mar during Willie Revillame’s show last Saturday, Korina asked the senator, ‘Mahal mo ba talaga ako?‘ to which he answered…
‘Put*ng ina naman. Tinatanong pa ba yan?’

JUAN: Tuwing sisingilin kita ng mga utang mo, puro ka bukas… bukas… bukas… bukas… bukas… bukas… Kailan mo matutupad ang pangako mong bukas?!
BOY: Baka bukas!

The Versatile “Fuck”

1)Surprise-”What d fuck are you doing here?”
2)Fraud-”I got fucked by d car dealer.”
4)Trouble-”I guess I’m fucked now.”
5)Aggression-”FUCK YOU!”
6)Disgust-”Fuck me.”
7)Confusion-”What the fuck…?”
8)Difficulty-”I don’t understand this fucking business!”
9)Lost-”Where the fuck are we?”
10)Denial-”I didn’t fucking do it.”
11)Apathy-”Who really gives a fuck?”
12)Suspicion-”Who the fuck are you?”
13)Panic-”Let’s get the fuck out of here!

BoyfrieNd wAnt To hav sEx w/GF buT ashAmeD of his smalL orGan.
DEcided to bring GF iN darK pLaCe, 0pen His zipper & put penis in GF’s hand.

GF: N0 tnx, I D0NT SM0KE!

A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoys water sports, like company, favors formal attire, and was very small.

The computer ran faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.