"SMS Jokes"

Nauso noon ang TEST TUBE babies. Ngayon may proposal na sa lata na lang mag-mate ang sperm cells, at tatawagin ‘tong CANNED TOT!

Diarrhea is hereditary…
it runs in your jeans!:)

Biblical ‘Mom-isms’

1. Samson! Get your hand out of the lion. You don’t know where it’s been.
2. David! I told you not to play in the house with that slingshot! Go practice your harp. We’re paying good money for those lessons.
3. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper.
4. Cain! Get off Abel! You’re going to kill him someday!
5. Judas, have you been in my purse again?
6. Noah, you can’t keep these. I told you not to bring home anymore strays!

Dalawang lalaki muntik nang masagasaan.
L1: nakuha mo ba ung license plate?
L2: pano ko makukuha e ang bilis nya. Pero maganda ung driver di ba?
L1: oo nga, nakita mo ba ung brown niyang mata?

A farmer ordered a milking machine, tried it on his dick, and had a wonderful orgasm. As he can’t remove his dick from the machine, he read the machine’s manual, and fainted when he read, “AUTO RELEASE AFTER 10 LITERS.”

Boy & girl dancing at a disco. They kiss & stop instantly.
The girl asks, “Are you a MECHANIC?” “No. Why?” replies the boy.
“Well, get your hands from under my MINI!” she countered.

Son: Dad, I guess it won’t be long before I have an affair.
Dad: Why, son?
Son: Well, my girlfriend and I held hands for the first time.
Dad: I wouldn’t be concerned about that. Holding hands is a long way from having an affair.
Son: Even if we’re both in the showers at the same time?

A man was worried when his friends told him he look sick.
He consulted the Internet by typing symptoms: ‘I look bad but I feel good.’
Diagnosis by computer: ‘You are a vagina.’

A small girl became restless as the priest’s homily went on and on. Finally, she whispered to her mother, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”

Hinatak ak0 ni ibarra na tila isang kagamitang pagaari niya. Habang c Elias nama’y nasa aking likuran.. Nadama k0 ang init ng kanilang damdamin mula s aking kaibuturan.. Halinhinan silang nagtampisaw s matamis na lawang ngayon pa lamang nakadanas ng ibay0ng kaligayahan.

-Maria Clara
(sinaunang orgy/3some)

Girl: ten years from now, magkaibigan pa rin kaya tau?
Boy: Hmm… 10 years? Malay mo, magkaapelyido na tau…

A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary.
“Ha!” he snorted. “The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!”

On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, “There! I have hair on my chest, now buy the damn coat!” “That’s not your chest!” he roars.

“Damn right it’s my chest!” she argued. “Before we got married, this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure chest and later the family chest… And if you don’t buy me a fur coat… it will soon become the COMMUNITY CHEST!”

Kung ang lahat ng ginagawa nya ay binibigyan mo ng kahulugan, aba! ano ka?
Dictionary?

Contrary to popular belief, hindi TAPSILOG ang favorite ng Pinoy kundi: KANIN, TUYO, TINAPA SA KAMATIS! In short… KANTUTINSAKAMA!

A banana & a vibrator were on a bedside table. The banana turns to the vibrator and says, “I don’t know what you’re shakin’ for, I’m the one she’s gonna eat.”

3 girls see a mysterious fluid on elevator.
G1: (smells it) Amoy Zonrox.
G2: (touches it) Ay malagkit!
G3: (tastes it) Naku, meron pa pala akong di kilala dito sa building!!!

Amo: marunong ka maglaba?
Maid: konti.
Amo: eh magluto?
Maid: konti.
Amo: sige, tanggap ka na.
Maid: magkano po ba ang sweldo ko?
Amo: konti…

Confidence is when your wife catches you fucking another woman and you tell the other woman, “Walang hiya! Niloko mo ako sabi mo ikaw ang asawa ko!”

THE MOVIE:
JUAN: Pare, gawa ako ng pelikula. Ako ang direktor, ako producer, ako cameraman, ako rin ang bida. Ang title, “Ang Akin Ay Akin At Ang Iyo Ay Akin Pa Rin.” Ano ayos ba?
Pedro: Pare, ang haba ng title, ‘bat di mo gawing “Ang Sugapa.”

Anak: nay, nung nsa bus kmi ni papa sbi nya bigay q inuupuan ko sa dalagang sumakay.
Inay: tama yun anak.
Anak: pero, nay, nakakandong lang ako kay papa nun.

MRS: Bakit kulang ang sweldo mo ng isang libo?
MR: Nag beerhaus ako! Ang P200 binayad ko sa beer. Ang P800, binigay ko sa dancer kasi alang damit, awang awa ako!

Church notice:
Dear parishioners,
pls don’t leave ur bags, wallets & cellphones unattended.
Others might think
those are d answers 2 their..
prayers.

FVR and Erap were in the woods hunting together when suddenly a voluptous girl raced across their path, totally nude. “Would I love to eat that!” FVR smacking his lips. So Erap shot her.

HEIGHT OF POVERTY:
Wife stitching husband’s condom.:-)
HEIGHT OF INNOCENCE:
A young girl applying Clearasil to her nipples thinking they are pimples.;-)
HEIGHT OF AMBITION:
An ant climbing on the leg of an elephant with a motive of rape.B-)
HEIGHT OF UNEMPLOYMENT:
A spider’s web found in a prostitute’s pussy.:-P
HEIGHT OF LAZINESS:
Naked man lying on top of a naked woman expecting an earthquake to do the rest.

WIFE: Hon, if we had a five-minute nuclear ballistic missile warning, what would you do?
HUSBAND: I would make love to you.
WIFE: Yes, but what about the other three minutes?