"SMS Jokes"

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

LATEST SURVEY QUESTION on women: would u sleep w/ Hayden Kho? 2% said yes, 1 % said maybe, 97% said . . never again!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

PGMA: Dear, kumuha ako ng insurance para sa atin.
FG: Anong klase, life insurance?
PGMA: Fire insurance, dahil doon ang punta natin pag namatay tayo.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

During Erap’s time at Malacanang, they installed a very sophisticated telephone system. If you dialed the Malacanang number, this is what is heard:

“Magandang araw po, ang inyong tawag ay nakarating sa tanggapan ng Pangulong Erap. Sa kasawiang palad, siya ay kasalukuyan pang natutulog. Kung mayroon kayong ibang nais makausap, sundin ang mga sumusunod: ‘Pindutin ang isa para sa unang asawa, pindutin ang dalawa para sa pangalawang asawa, at pindutin ang tatlo kung may mayroon kayong maire-rekomenda.’”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A lady was going to buy a radio for her maid. Before she left the house, the maid said, “Ate, ang kunin ninyo yung Ilocano ang salita ha!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Katrina’s never gonna dance again,
Guilty Hayden have got some rythym
and its easy to pretend, Katrina knows Hayden’s not a fool
Should have known better than to hide the cam, the wasted chance Hayden have been given
So Katrina’l never dance again, the way she danced with Haydenkho..
..Ooohhhh2x! (careless whisper, Katrina Halili version)

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Tips sa pagpasok ng motel:
1.Itanong s roomboy kung may HAYDEN CAMERA b ang mga rooms.Kung wala ok,safe k
2.Pgpasok s room wala k nang kaba.Kya ma eenjoy mo n ang KATRI-NILA
3.But 2 be sure takpan mo ng BELO ang mukha mo. Baka makuhanan k ng KHO-dak lagot na.~

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Answering Machine Recording:
“You have called the Breast Self-examination Hotline. Please press 1 now…….
Now press the other one.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A love-starved spinster was desperate that she went to a newspaper office and asked about putting an ad in the ‘Lonely Hearts’ column.
“Well, ma’am,” a male assistant said, “we charge 20 bucks per insertion.”
“You don’t say,” the spinster said, “here’s a 1000 then, and to hell with the ad!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Day by day,
we learn to grow.
In growing,
we learn to give.
In giving,
we learn to love,
and in loving we learn to Fuck…
oops, bakit naging bastos?

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Wife: Ed, may bagyo daw…
Ed: Ano ngaun?
Wife: Mag undertym ka na..
Ed: Uuwi na ko? Uy may balak ka ha… malamig kasi!
Wife: Tanga! Yung mga sampay mo dito mababasa!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

What is a hymen?

It’s a thin sheet of flesh like a membrane inside a vagina. It’s primary purpose is to greet entering penises… “HiMen!!!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay, you can remove your bra na.
MODEL: Ha? Wala naman sa contract natin yun ah!
PHOTOGRAPHER: Rereklamo ka pa jan, eh kanina ka pa walang panty ah!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Amo: Inday, may importante akong tawag na hinihintay. Sagutin mo agad.
Inday: Yis, ser!
(dalawing ring. sa pagmamadali ni Inday, nauntog sa pinto.)
Caller: Helo?
Inday: Midyu!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Ang pilipinas ay may humigit 40,000 na pokpok. Kumikita cla ng mahigit P1000/day. Icipin nyo 40,000 x 1000=P40M. Tapos P40M X 365days = P14.6Bilyon/year. Imagine! Hindi kaya pekpek ang sagot sa krisis ng ating bansa?

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Sexy woman spots attractive man in a party. She approaches him.
WOMAN: My name is Carmen
MAN: A beautiful name, is it a family name ?
WOMAN: No! Its a name I gave 2 myself 2 reflects d things I love most - cars & men.What’s ur name?”
MAN:- B.J. Titsengolf.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

AnG mGa CuTe DaW MaHiNa Sa GrAmAr At FoOr sa isFeLiNg. My GAS! DiD deY sUrE? waT dOeS deY pRoOf? iTs HuRt tO uS! iM NoT BiLeiVe THESE! HÄay..cge, Took care!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Kapag may porblema ka, tandaAn m0.. Dito lang ako.. Dito lang talaga ako.. Tapos dyan ka lang.. Wag kang pupunta dito! Baka madamay ako! hehehe.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

JuniOr: Itay, bakit yung bird ng kLasmate ko parAng chAmpoy?
Itay: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Bkit, anAk, maLiit ba?
JuniOr: Hindi po.MaaLat!
Itay: tang ina m0! Ü

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Apo: look at th0se big boats lolo!
LOlo: amazing dba iho dey are called yachts.
Apo: yachts? How do u spell it lolo?
lolo: Ur right iho, they are boats..

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

(sa l0ob ng beerhaus)
GRO (habang sumasayaw):
ganit0 po samen, walang maay0s na trabaho. Walang tutulong..
MAR R0XAS: anak, tumabi ka…ako gigiling!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

(Mar Roxas, naksakay as sidecar)
Bata: “..ganito po buhay samen, walang makain, walang pambili ng gam0t..”
Mar: “anak, itabi mo..
Lagpas nako.”..

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Teacher: gumamit ng dalawang tayutay sa isang pangungusap
Pedro: ehem.. ‘nadapa ang tatay. Tayu tay, tayu tay!’

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

MADRE: An0ng apelyid0 m0 ih0?
B0Y Alam na p0 niny0 yun sister! Palagi p0 nny0ng hinahawakan!
MADRE: Susmary0sep! Bayag apelyid0 m0?
BOY: Sister naMan.Rosario po

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

LOLA: Apo, sabihin mo sa lolo, pahilot si lola at antok na antok na.
APO: Yoyo, paiyot yoya, antot na antot na.
LOLO: Sabihin mo, wla ako s mood, tulogna.
APO: Yoya, waya tamod yoyo, tuyot na.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

JUAN: pedr0 nasaksak ak0! Walang hinto agos ng dug0 k0. Plz c0l me a nurse, c0l me a nurse!
PEDRO: cge, ur a nurse! Nurse ka juan! Nurse ka!! Nurse kaaa…!!!

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