"SMS Jokes"

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

TRUTH ABOUT KISSING:

Do you know that the scientific name of kissing is Philematology. The scientific way to describe it is the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscle in a state of contraction. You burn 26 calories in one-minute kiss. It’s a great cardiovascular workout because you release adrenaline into the bloodstream and your heart pumps more blood into the body. See? Di naman puro sex lang noh!!!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Nagpahula si PGMA. Sabi ng manghuhula, “Maghanda ka na maging biyuda! Mapapatay ang iyong asawa.”
Tanong ni PGMA, “Maabsuwelto ba ako?”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

MR: alam mo, ako ang pinakamatapang sa kulungan!
MRS: Bakit naman?
MR: Nagpatatu ako sa bird.
MRS: Sus, yang pinatatu mo, kung pinatuli mo yan bibilib pa ako!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

What’s fashion designing?
Too many brains, with too many ideas working on too little pieces of cloth…
just to cover two little tits of a woman.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Confucius says…

“If you think all men are created equal, you should see them naked and in full erection.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A boy go to bathroom in the middle of the night. As he passes his parents’ bedroom, he peeks through the keyhole and says, “Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Nature gave men two heads…
one for multiplying and one for thinking…
Ever since then, man’s success or failure has been dependent on the one he uses the most!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with ‘Guess’ on it.
So I said, “Implants?”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A woman’s like a bucket of KFC…
because once you’re past the tender breasts and the juicy thighs…
all that’s left is a greasy wet box to put your bone in…

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Nakakapagtaka lang bakit bago lahat ng gawain ay may dasal. Halimbawa, bago kumain, magbiyahe, magtrabaho, matulog at iba pa, pero bago mag-sex, bakit wala?

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

“PANDIWA”

Ang pandiwa ay isang hiwa na nasa pagitan ng dalawang hita na pinapasukan ng dimonyong batuta, nilalabasan ng puting gata na ang resulta ay pesteng bata…

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

LOVE FACT:

“LIMERENCE” is a word coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, denoting an emotional and involuntary state, in which a person feels an intense passionate desire for another person of the opposite gender!

In Pilipino…

‘LIBOG!’

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

ANG MANI:
Pag puti ang laman, di luto yan.
Pag itim ang loob, bulok yan.
Pag may tubig sa loob yan, nilaga yan.
Pag basa sa labas,
NAKU!
PEK(X2) YAN! PEK(X2)!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Chatting about sexiness aids.
Matron1: I’m getting my boobs lifted.
Matron2: I’m getting my asshole bleached!
Matron1: I can’t imagine your husband as a blonde!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Babae: Father, nag-away kami ng asawa ko.
PARI: Lahat naman ng mag-asawa nag-aaway.
BABAE: Pero san ko po kaya pwede itago ang bangkay?!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Man: Read that women are “insecure” about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.
Woman: Oh, yeah? Well, we can diet, have lipo, exercise, and even gets implants for all that. What can a man do about the one area that we all KNOW he feels insecure about?

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Alam ba ninyo na natatakot bumaba sa jeep ang mga babae sa kanto ng Gen. Tinio Street sa Caloocan City?
Kasi ang sigaw ng mga drayber ay, “O, yung mga bababa… Kanto Tinio Na!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A robot than can catch thieves was tested in London. In 5 minutes, the robot nabbed 3 thieves.
In N.Y., the police tested it, and in 5 minutes, 20 thieves were caught.
They tested it in Manila, and in 2 minutes, the robot vanished!!!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Wana lose weight? Try the Italian pasta diet.
Walk pasta the cakeshop, walk pasta the ice cream parlor, walk pasta the buffet table. And make sure you walk pasta and pasta!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Talagang pahirap nang pahirap ang buhay.
Presyo ng bilihin pataas nang pataas..
Panty at Brief na lang ang laging binababa..!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A newly wed told her Mom her husband was a virgin.
When her Mom asks how she knew, she replies, “Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover.”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Hayden nd Belo aftr sex -
Belo: Whew! Dat was a gud fuck baby.
Hayden: I thnk u nid vaginal surgry mommy.
Belo: Why? Is it loose or tight?
Hayden: I think i left digicam inside!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

SINNER: 4give me Father 4 I have sinned. I viewed & sent d sexual videos of Hayden Kho thru my cellphone.
PRIEST: My child, pls 4ward ur sins to me. . .

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Point of View:
Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom while getting a raise.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

If the penis is hard & erect..
he needs a GOOD FUCK;
if it is erect but not hard..
he needs a GOOD SUCK;
if it is none of these..
he needs GOOD LUCK!

» okay mag challenge tayu ng ating mga "BRUTE"!!!!
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