"SMS Jokes"

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

SHOPOWNER: ma’am, this panty & bra will look nice on u.
LADY: how can u be sure?
SHOPOWNER: i’ve a diploma in interior designing.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

PRIEST:All sinners wil b thrown n2 hell & der wil b gritting &gnashing of teeth.
JUAN:Wat abt dos ho hav no teeth?
PRIEST: GOD wil provide!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A rough day for Pete. He woke up and wore his shirt, the button fell off.
He picked up his briefcase, the handle came off.
He pulls the door, the knob comes off.
Now he’s afraid to pee!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Q: Why are breasts located in the upper half of a woman’s body?
A: Because milk should be kept away from the pussy.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

At the Buzz:

Boy-Hayden, hawak ko ngayon 5 panties from your collections. Can you identify ang owner sa bawat isa? Hayden-#1 kay Katrina, #2 kay Vicky, #3 kay Juday, #4 kay kim.

Boy-Paano mo na i-dentify ang owner?

Hayden-Kay katrina amoy yosi, kay Vicky, alcohol, kay Juday, ph care at ang kay Kim amoy whisper!

Boy-May logic ka diyan, pero how about #5? Di mo ba alam?

Hayden-Puede off the-air isabi ko? Hayden-kay Aling Dionesia!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A Chinese caught his wife and driver in 69 position.

The Chinese poked a gun at driver and said, “Kaya pala wala ako anak, ako lagay tamod, ikaw pala kain!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Kung ang Xavier School nagpo produce ng bsktbol players like, joseph yeo,t.y tang,chris tiu, magpapahuli ba ang Grace Christian? sympre hndi, carlo maceda, boldstar, hayden kho pornstar.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

TRIVIA:

Bakit karamihan ng fastfood restos kulay pula at dilaw ang pintura?
McDo, Jollibee, Max’s, Chow King, Mr. Donut, Burger King…
Because the colors red and yellow are good stimuli for the apetite…
Ah, kaya pala ganun ang kulay ng SOGO…

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Hinoldap si Lumen. Pero dahil wais siya nilagay niya P500 sa panty kaya di nakuha.

Pero ng ibili nya sa SM, ayaw tanggapin… FAKE daw kasi nakalabas dila ni Ninoy.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

1. What do you call a pig that does karate?
Answer: a pork chop
2. What has a lot of keys but cannot open any doors?
Answer: a piano
3. Why don’t lobsters share?
Answer: they’re shellfish
4. How do angels answer the phone?
Answer: halo
Have a stress free day!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Statistical Analysis ng Penis:
Ang length 6 inches,
Ang strokes 50,
Ang fuck 3 times a week,
52 weeks a year,
Ang sex life, 20 years…
so a woman gets
47 kilometers of penis in a lifetime.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot her instead of her lover, he replied, “Ah, M’sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a different man every week?”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Sa buhay ko..
daming dumaan..
problema,
pagsubok,
kawalan..
“pero nang dumaan ka”
natawa ako
kasi ung pabango mo..
“VICKS!!”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Paikot-ikot lang ang mga QUOTES at JOKES! Pasa dun! Pasa dito! Nabasa na nun, mababasa mo ulit.
Pwede ba wag na lang QUOTES at JOKES ang ipasa?
LALAKE naman please!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Because of the recession we need to make tipid a lot.
Instead of giving women flowers, eat their flowers instead. They’ll appreciate it better!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

kung may kudeta sa Pilipinas:
american: we fully support the administration..
aussie: we will send troops to the philippines..
chinese: we are ready to help end the political crisis..
japanese: we condemn any unconstitutional grab of power..
pinoy: may klase bukas?

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Girl1: What do you prefer to be? A light bulb or a 10-pin bowling ball?
Girl2: It depends…
if you want to be screwed or fingered”

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

MAN#1: My wife & I have OLYMPIC sex!
MAN#2: Wow! She must be very happy!
MAN#1: No; she’s complaining.
MAN#2: Why?
MAN#1: I fuck her only once every 4 years!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

PARE1: Pare, pautang muna ng 5-kilong bigas. Bayaran ko agad pagdating ni misis galing U.S.
Pare2: Cge, pare, kailan pa sa U.S. si mare?
Pare2: Nag-aapply pa lang.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

JOE: How much is the fee for annulment?ATTY: P100,000.
JOE: But I only paid P1,000 for my marriage!ATTY: The price for freedom, my friend, is always expensive!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

MAN: Boy, anjan ba dad mo?
BOY: naliligo.
MAN: Mom mo?
BOY: Naliligo din.
MAN: matatapos na kaya sila?
BOY: Tagal pa yun. Humingi sila KY Jelly, naibigay ko Mighty Bond.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Pinoy OB-Gyne: Last week I had a patient whose clitoris was like a melon.
Kano OB-Gyne: Impossible. She couldn’t walk if it was tha big.
Pinoy OB-Gyne: You Americans only think of size. I’m talking of TASTE!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

A bikini is like a balance sheet…
what it reveals is exciting…
but what it conceals is mind blowing.

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

My aunt is such an alarmist. One cough and she thinks I’ve bronchitis, a headache and she’s sure it’s a brain tumor. One little lie and she thinks I’m destined for POLITICS!

Posts : 871 Join date : 2008-12-15 Age : 33

Very rich american undergoing surgery w/rare blood type found Ilocano donor. Grateful, he sent Ilocano BMW, jewelry,P5million. Later american needed moreblood. Ilocano gave again & got only Thank You card & vegetables. Ilocano asked why only this? American explained:

Now I have Ilocano blood in my veins!

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