| | "SMS Jokes" |  |
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+2@ 0kills(PMS) Zeta(PMS)LAI 6 posters |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
 |  Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes"  Tue May 05, 2009 1:07 pm | |
| Inspirational Thought of the Day:
Ba’t mo iisipin pangit ka kung paldo naman ang wallet mo?
Mamatay sila sa inggit, no?! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:07 pm | |
| What happens if you put a bomb in a girl’s bra?…you get tit bits!
What do you get if you put a bomb in a guys underwear?….
you get banana splits!:-D | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:08 pm | |
| Vote me for PRESIDENT!
maglilingkod sa bayan
magpapatayo ng pasugalan
Legal na drugs sa loob ng eskwelahan
Legal na ang burnout sa caltex
legal narin ang karerahan sa Macapagal
At kapag ako ang binoto nyo pinapangako ko…
Lahat ng tambay may sweldo
MgA adik pensiOnAdo
at ang mga Lasinggero
may sarili ng disco! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:09 pm | |
| Sa isang gameshow:
HOST: Anong ‘H’ ang ingles ng takdang aralin?
CONTESTANT: (sure na sure at pinagsigawan ang sagot niya) HASAYNMENT! HASAYNMENT! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:10 pm | |
| Q&A sa isang beauty contest…
HOST: Matutuwa ka ba kung bibigyan ka ng flowers ng boyfriend mo?
KANDIDATA: Hindi na uso yan, no?! Mas matutuwa ako kung didiligan nya ang flower ko! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:10 pm | |
| TATAY: Bakit hinimatay ang nanay mo?
JR: Nagtext po si Kuya galing Saudi, nagpatuli sya, pero pa-inglis-inglis ang txt nya: ‘JUST BEHEADED TODAY.’ | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:14 pm | |
| A couple at a wishing well..
boy leans over, made a wish and throws a coin.
girl made a wish but leans too much, falls and drowns!
boy: hala! ang bilis naman! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:15 pm | |
| Pinara ng pulis ang jeep
DRIVER: Bakit, boss? Ano ho ba ang violation ko?
PULIS: Wala!
DRIVER: Eh bakit ho ninyo ako pinahinto?
PULIS: Sasakay ako, eh! Tanga! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:15 pm | |
| GF: Hon, you know what? You have a body of a god!
BF: Oh yeah? You really think so? Which god? Adonis? Zeus?
GF: No… Buddha! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:15 pm | |
| PEDRO: Matagal na ako walang sex!
GRO: Kaya pala.. para kang si SPIDERMAN! eh!
PEDRO: (NAGYABANG) malapot bang masyado?
GRO: Hindi! may agiw na ang yagbols mo! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:16 pm | |
| Sa hardin ng Paraiso -
Adam: Lord, hindi ko na kaya ang pagtukso ng ahas sa akin!
Lord: Maging matatag ka, anak. Ano ba ang tukso ng ahas sa iyo?
Adam: Uy Supot! Supot! Supot! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:16 pm | |
| MADRE: Nagtampisaw po ako sa batis ng kasalanan dahil sa tawag ng laman.
MADRE SUPERIOR: Bakit nasabi mo yon!
MADRE: Si Father po! Sinabi po niya saakin na ang pinto sa langit ay nasa pagitan ng aking hita at ang susi ay nasa kanya kaya pinasok niya ang Susi sa aking Pinto.
MADRESUPERIOR: Ha? Si Father? Tarantadong Pari! Susi pala yon? Sabi niya sa akin yon ay Trumpeta ni San Gabriel. Isang buong taon niyang pinatorotot sa akin! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:18 pm | |
| “OPLAN TULI”
Nanay:Sakit imo tuli?
Anak: dili man.
Nay:Ngano hilak man ka?
Anak:Gipatikan nila ako oten ug.. “THRU THE iNiTiATiVE OF CONG. RUFUS RODRiGUEZ!” yawa! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:19 pm | |
| When staff goes out after work, they talk about football or basketball.
When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis or baseball.
Top management discusses golf.
Conclusion: The higher up you are in managent, the smaller your balls are. | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:19 pm | |
| Mar Roxas nakasakay sa pedicab.
BOY: Ganito po buhay samin, walang makain, walang pambili ng gamot…
MAR: Anak, itabi mo..Ako na.
Hindi ako kita ng mga tao sa labas. Palit tayo ng puwesto. P… Ina! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:19 pm | |
| There was an exhibitionist who was taking an airplane trip. At the top of the plane’s stairs a stewardess was collecting tickets.
When the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and exposed himself. ‘I’m sorry, sir. You have to show your ticket here, not your stub,’ the stewardess said. | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:20 pm | |
| Fiscal: You say this woman shot her husband at close range?
Witness: Yes, sir, that’s right!
Fiscal: Any powder marks on the body?
Witness: Yes, sir, that’s why she shot him. May kissmark pa nga eh! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:20 pm | |
| Husband and wife were at a volleyball game when they noticed a couple in the bleachers. They were being affectionate. She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her too.
WIFE: I don’t know whether to watch them or the game.
HUSBAND: Watch THEM! You already KNOW how to play volleyball. | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:20 pm | |
| Warning! The Swine Flu Epidemic is spreading and dangerously contagious! Avoid shaking hands or contact with politicians, specially congressmen who havea passion for Pork. Situation extremely dangerous! Warn your friends. | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:21 pm | |
| The UN World Food Programme has named young star KC Concepcion as the Philippines’ ambassador against hunger…
mainly because every time Pinoys stare at her mother… busog na sila! | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:21 pm | |
| A distraught patient called her doctor’s office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication had prescribed was for the rest of her life. She was told that it was.
There was a stunned silence before she replied, ‘I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. Your prescription is marked, ‘NO REFILLS.” | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:22 pm | |
| 6 things na wish m0ng sabihin ng nanay m0 say0:
1.anak gising na? Kung ant0k ka pa tul0g ka pa mag pa-late ka na lang sa subject m0
2. Oh eto all0wance m0 may dagdag yan pang gimik m0
3.am0y alak ka? Nag jaming kay0? Di m0h ko sinama!
4. Gabi na ah, tul0g kana bukas samahan m0h ko bili tay0 ng bag0ng cellphone m0
5.tumawag dean nyo! Bagsak ka daw! Di bale ok lang yan may next sem pa naman eh.
6. Nanjan bf mo,papasukin ko na ba sa kwarto m0? | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:22 pm | |
| There’ will be times when you feel like giving up due to all the problems your going thru.
Life may be unfair, but just remember that when you cant stand it anymore..
SIT DOWN
-k0rek.. nakakapag0d naman kaya tumayo forever.:-P | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:23 pm | |
| A Short History of Medicine:
I have an earache…
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2002 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root. | |
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Zeta(PMS)LAI
Posts : 871
Join date : 2008-12-15
Age : 33
| | Subject: Re: "SMS Jokes" Tue May 05, 2009 1:23 pm | |
| A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes.
‘How do they feel?’ asks the sales clerk. ‘Well… they feel a bit tight.’ replies the man.
The clerk bends down and has a look at the shoes and the man’s feet. ‘Try pulling the tongue out.’ offers the clerk.
‘Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth.‘ he says. | |
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