"SMS Jokes"

Bata: ‘nay, bakit may takip ang mata ng kabayo na humihila ng kalesa?
Ina: ..aber, ikaw nga ang tumakbo sa kalye na nakalabas ang titi, syempre mahihiya ka noh?

Q: Anong tawag sa mestisang Chinese at Pinoy?
A: Chinoy?
Q: Eh mestisang Chinese at Bombay?
A: Eh, di Chibay! (CHINESE for pepe)

Ano sa Tagalog ang ’sex’?
OK, starts with ‘K’
gets mo na?
cge kaya mo yan,
K A _ _
cge say it!
K A _ _
hay naku!
OK, cge na nga…
KASARIAN!
Kantot ka dyan bastos!

“Ang sarap haplusin ng buo mong katawan… at dumampi sa parteng ako lang nakakagawa. Masarap, di ba? Pero bandang huli, iiwan mo lang ako sa isang tabi…” - TUWALYA

DR: Mam, eexaminin ko matris mo. Ipapasok ko isang daliri ko sa loob ng v..gina mo, ha?
PATIENT: Dalawa na ipasok mo, doc.
DR: Bakit?
P: Para may 2nd opinion.

husbnd: luv mag saing ka na
wife: mahal wala taung bigas
husbnd: kainiz! hala!Mglatg knang banig ma22log na tau!
Wife: naku po.. Talong na nmn!!!

Bf at gf inside a m0tel nakahubad..
Gf: bulilit, bulilit, ang liit-liit!
Bf: bulilit, bulilit, sanay sa MASIKIP!

A girl developed rashes on her neck and boobs after a date with Chinese boyfriend at a park. The doctor diagnosed it as a case of hypersensitivity due to INTSIK BITES!

Aussie: Do you like Australian kissing?
Girl: I don’t know. What is that?
Aussie: Same as French kissing, only it’s down under.

MUST READ.

A new book explaining why China is the most populous nation in the world, written by WEE FOCK YANG.;-)

A newly wed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote cabin resort. They had checked in on Saturday, and had not been seen for five days.

An old couple ran the resort and they were getting concerned about these newlyweds.

The old man decided to see if they were okay. He knocked on the cabin’s door and a weak voice from inside replied. Old man asked if they were well.

“Yes, we’re fine. We’re living on the fruits of love.”

The old man replied, “I thought so… would you mind not throwing the peels out of the window? They’re choking the shit out of my ducks.”

If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
Why do you still call it building when its already built?
If its true that we are here to help others,what are others here for?
If you aren’t supposed to drink &drive,then why do bars have parking lots?
We are a funny bunch of people,living in a seriously funny world..

A burglar was robbing a house when he heard a voice, “Jesus is watching you!” “Who’s there?” the burglar asked. But no sound was heard, so he kept going, till he heard it two more times. He spotted a parrot, and he asked, “What’s your name?”

“Cocodora,” the parrot said. “Now, what kind of idiot would name a bird Cocodora?”asked the burglar. “The same idiot who named the Rotweiler, Jesus.” replied the parrot.

On a wintry night, a guy went to the brothel and the madam said, “You’ll have to wait, several rooms are closed for repairs.” “I don’t need a room,” said our horny hero.

So the madam took his money, and he went upstairs with one of the gals. They decided to do it on the roof. Since t’was a cold night, they froze and fell into the sidewalk.

A passing drunk looks them over, stagger into the brothel, and tells the madam, “It seems your sign fell down!”

To be healthy, do not eat between meals.
For MEN, eat only between LEGS.
For WOMEN, eat only between EGGS.
For LOVERS, eat ALL you can.

Two British faggots were standing at a pier looking out over the harbor. One of them pointed to a ferry and asked, ‘Elton, what’s that?” “That’s a ferry boat, George my love,” answered Elton.

“Oooh!” squeled George, “I knew there was a lot of us, but I didn’t know we had our own navy.”

Please don’t ever dare to say, “I TRUST You.”
because nowadays, it is tantamount to saying, “I CONDOM YOU.”

3 Rules When Getting Old:
1. Never ignore any CR you pass.
2. Don’t waste a hard-on.
3. Never trust a fart.

Small boy asks Mom, “How do you spell clitoris?”
Mom replies, “Ask your Dad, it’s always at the tip of his tongue.”

A girl goes to the doc.
SHE: Doc, I’m freaking out… My pee’s coming out in four streams.
DOC: Get up on the table and I’ll see what I can do.
As he’s examining her, he starts to giggle.
SHE: It’s not funny.
Doc: It won’t anymore. I took the trouser button out of there.

Woman: (in confession) Father, my husband is next in line. His sins are…
Priest: Excuse me, why are you confessing his sins?
Woman: He might lie to you.

A man, sick & tired to work everyday asked God to switch bodies with his wife.

The next day, man woke up as a woman. Cooked breakfast, fed the family, droved kids to school, washed & ironed, went for groceries, vacuumed, dusted, swept, cooked dinner. After supper, cleaned the kitchen. At night made love to husband.

The next day, he admitted to God his mistake & prayed for a trade back. God said, “OK, but you’ll have to wait for 9 months. You got pregnant last night.”

A company takes out a newspaper ad claiming to be able to supply imported hard core porn videos. People place orders and made payments.

After several weeks, the company wrote back that it was illegal to supply the material and do not want to be prosecuted. So they refunded payments by company checks.

However, few people bothered to deposit the checks. The name of the company, ‘The Anal & Fetish Perversion Company.’

What’s the similarity between bra, G-string & insurance..? ….? ….?
Think..?
They all provide minimum cover… to maximum risk areas….

Beat the logic:

Doctors say good sex cures prostate problems. But most ‘celibate’ priests have no prostate problems. Ergo… Most priests practice sex! Tama ba?:-P

Man goes to fancy dress parting wearing only a glass jar on his dick. Lady asks, “What are you?” He replies, “A fireman, break the glass, pull the knob, and I’ll come as fast I can.”

Three words that will guarantee to destroy any man’s ego during love making…

“IS IT IN?”

Polish man married to an American girl asked a lawyer to arrange his divorce:
Lawyer: Have you any grounds?
Husband: Yes, one & a half acres & a little home.
L: Does any of you have a grudge?
H: No, we have a carport.
L: iS there infidelity?
H: We have stereo & DVD.
L: Is your wife a nagger?
H: No, she isWhite.
L: Why do you want a divorce?
H: I have proof she’s goin to kill me. She bought a bottle from Drugstore & it said ‘POLISH REMOVER.’