"SMS Jokes"

Man teases ex-wife’s new husband, ‘So how was the second hand stuff?’
New Hubby: ‘After the first 3-4 inches, she’s all brand new!’

Tower: PAL 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7
PAL: Tower, PAL 702 switching to Departure… by the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.
Tower: Cebu Pacific 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7… did you copy the report from PAL?
CEBU PACIFIC: Switching to departure… and yes, we copied PAL and we’ve already notified our caterers.

May babaeng pumasok sa simbahan na walang damit.
Pari: Huwag kayong titingin sa babaeng yan. Ang tumingin mabubulag.
Chinese: (tinakpan ang isang mata) Ako, hende na baleng mulak, isa mata lang.

GRO: Ano ang best moment mo sa buhay?
LALAKE: Best moment ko sa buhay ko… kapag ibinukaka mo legs mo. Ikaw ano ang best moments mo?
GRO: Kapag binuka mo ang wallet mo…!

Woman went to a doc asking for bigger breasts. Doc gave her choice of either having an implant or wearimg a special bra. When you flap ur arms up and down, the bra inflates. Woman chose bra.

Next day, she saw an attractive man at a bar. Flapping her arms, she walked over to flirt with the guy. Man started flapping his legs. ‘I see we have the same doctor,’ the man said.

What’s the definition of irreconcilable differences?
When she’s melting down her wedding ring to cast it into a bullet.

Sen. Lapid: “Bird Flu, ok pa,pero Swine Flu, hindi ako bilib!!!
Paano lilipad ang baboy?”

A drunken woman goes to a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, “Gimme a beer.”
The bartender then asks again, “Anheuser-Busch?”
To which she replies, “Fine thanks, and how’s your cock?!!”

When you look into the eyes of Sen. Lapid, what do you see?
… the back of his skull. ü

Alam nyo ang cmple lang ng buhay ko…
Manigarilyo ng Marlboro…
Uminom ng GSM Blue…
Di uuwi sa bahay ng 1ng araw…
Mang gago sa ktxt…
Manlait sa mga tao at tsaka…
BIBLE STUDY!!!

May you be showered with more girls or may more girls give you shower or may you share more showers with more girls. Whatever.

,/< <<<,
! -, - !
(” _ “)
> ),( <

Malungkot ka ba?

Naiiyak?
Natutulala?

Ganyan talaga
pag matigas
ang
ebs mo!

Konting tiis lang,
mpuputol din yan!

During the Pacman-Hatton bout, did you catch Sir Tom Jones when he sang the British national anthem, ‘God Save the Queen?’
Before the first round could ever finish, he was heard singing ‘God Save Hatton.’

A big man ambles into men’s room and does a double-take at the little guy at the next urinal. He’s holding his “snake” with two hands and smiling.
BigMan: How long is the snake fella?
SmallMan: 14 inches.
“Is that 14 inches soft?”
“Yes.”
“Well, how long is it when it’s hard?”
“I don’t know… It takes so much blood, I faint!”

Man’s Answering Machine:
“Hi. If you are the phone company, I already sent the check. If you are my parents, send me money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.”

LIBRARY NOTICE! Our records show that the book you borrowed “How To Fuck Dogs” is overdue. The book you requested “Small Penis & Proud” is now available..

Tinik ay bone sa English.
Bone ay buto sa Tagalog.
Buto ay seed sa English.
Seed ay binhi sa Tagalog.
Ang gulo di ba? Eh,ano na nga sa Tagalog ang English?

Single women complain that all good men are married, while married women gripe about their lousy husbands.
Thìs confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

INSIK: ako kiskis lng TT sa MAID pelo HINDI pasok, sama ba?
PARI: kiskis o pasok PAREHO din
INSIK: ganun b? Oke, ako KISKIS lng PELA sa donation box pelo d pasok

UBE JOKE
Kung nahulog ka sa hagdan at maraming nakakita..
Stand up..
Wag kang magpahalata..
JUST SAY: ANONG PAKI NYO KUNG GANUN AKO BUMABA???!

There was a girl who was still so in love w/her ex-bf that she decided to ask him out again. On their dinner date, she asked him if he still loves her, but he didn’t answer.
Instead, he held his ex-GF’s hand & placed it on his chest.
The girl cried, stood up & hurriedly left.
Coz na-feel nya na may boobs na ang bruha!

A man sat next to a pretty woman on a bus and said, “Damn girl, you’re so fine! You have a cute face, pretty teats, and I bet you got a nice ass!”

She whispered, “Wait till you see my dick.”

“Hinding-hindi na talaga ako iinom ng alak…. … Isasabaw ko na lang sa kanin.”

On Signs...

@ petshop in Ortigas - Pussies & Bitches
@ internet cafe in a squatter area - Cafe Pindot
@ boxing gym - Blowjob
@ beerhouse in Cavite - Chickpoint
@ kambingan - Sa Goat Kita
@ fish ball cart near UST - Eat My Balls
@ Massage parlor - Massage Only. God’s Watching!

It was once said that a black man would be President “when pigs fly.”
Indeed 100 days into the Obama presidency… Swine Flu!

We are organizing the Phil Economic Council 2 Promote Elimination of Corruption (acronym “PECPEC”). Your membership has been pre-approved!